Dating on tinder how can i go beyond chit chat and start better conversations life and style the


Dating on Tinder: how can I go beyond chit-chat and start better conversations
These days when I ask someone what they were up to on the weekend or
what type of music they’re into, I never hear from them again.
Presumably responding would be too much effort and maybe there are
plenty of other women who are flirtatious straight away and more fun
to chat to. Personally I find nothing more off-putting than inane
chit-chat, but I haven’t had a date in months and I’m losing hope. Now
that most people use their mobile phone to access dating sites, is it
unreasonable to expect whole sentences and even the occasional
paragraph?

***
Dating on Tinder: how can I go beyond chit-chat and start better conversations?
I have been using online dating sites for several years and my
approach has always been to exchange a few messages before agreeing to
go on a date with someone. I have a busy life and I’m reluctant to
sacrifice several hours for someone whom I don’t know anything about.
But persuading someone to write more than a few words at a time is
proving increasingly difficult. My standard reply to someone with a
blank page is: “Get back to me when you’ve filled in your profile.” I
used to think that this was a reasonable request but here’s a response
I received recently: “It’s going to take a long time I can’t type with
this little thing :(”
These days when I ask someone what they were up to on the weekend or
what type of music they’re into, I never hear from them again.
Presumably responding would be too much effort and maybe there are
plenty of other women who are flirtatious straight away and more fun
to chat to. Personally I find nothing more off-putting than inane
chit-chat, but I haven’t had a date in months and I’m losing hope. Now
that most people use their mobile phone to access dating sites, is it
unreasonable to expect whole sentences and even the occasional
paragraph?

***
Is it unreasonable to expect whole sentences and even the occasional
paragraph? No. Can you compel anyone to write you whole sentences and
even the occasional paragraph? Probably not.
Friend, I am totally in your camp about wanting a bit of a conversation before I meet someone. As I’ve said before, I’ve never had an awful experience meeting someone I’ve met online because I don’t meet up with anyone who can’t sustain a brief exchange and make me smile, or laugh, via message.Whether we will have chemistry IRL is, of course, a whole other kettle of fish, but passing the smile/chuckle test usually indicates that we’ll be able to sustain a conversation for the length of time that it takes to drink a cup of coffee.
So, if you’re concerned that your lack of dates might be due to you having the much-maligned “high standards”, then rest assured, you don’t: just as some people might only want to go on a date with blondes or firefighters or cat owners, it’s not crazy for you to filter out people who lack the wherewithal to write a few friendly sentences using their thumbs.
That said: you say that you hate inane chit-chat, and yet you also tend to ask questions like what kind of music someone is into, or what they did over the weekend. These kinds of conversation starters tend to lead to inane chit-chat, and it may be that the kind of men who don’t respond are just the ones you’d like to meet – they don’t like boring conversation either!
In my experience, the best way to get a conversation going is to ask a pretty specific question about something in a potential date’s photos: where was s/he when s/he ate that sandwich, is that hat part of his/her work uniform, does that sleepy tiger live with him/her?
It’s not about seeking real insight, but rather about signalling that you’re interested in the person in a personal way, rather than sending the same generic question to everyone. Will you get a response? There’s no guarantee, but I think you may find that your chances of getting someone to send you something with correct punctuation are dramatically increased. And as for the folks who are not filling out their profiles? Don’t worry about them. If they haven’t yet been inclined to put in the effort, it’s unlikely they ever will.
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